It’s been a hot minute since my last post to this here blog, so yeah. Here’s another.
I’ve been working full time for the past 7 months, and it’s been 50/50. There’s this deaf guy I work with and he’s a total dick. I work at Johnson County Community college, by the way. I may as well be working at a fucking high school because that’s where all these people are stuck in mentally.
Anyway, I saw an ad for a motivational speaker from London coming in, so I thought I’d go in and see what the fuck he had to complain about because in retrospect that’s like, half of a motivational speech ins comprised of. The other half is how “You can do anything you put your mind to, unless you’re fucking stupid in which case you might as well give up, but I’m just gonna shake your hand and then leave and tell my wife about how shitty my day was and then we will get in a huge argument about how I’m both a workaholic and an alcoholic and get a porcelain vase bashed over my fucking head before I go and do it all over again.” So, yeah. The speech was kinda boring, it was kind of like being punched in the face with brass knuckles for three hours, so I thought I’d shake things up a bit. In the middle of him talking I just blurted out, “And then I soiled my nickers!” Which to my genuine surprise, he got very angry. He said “Young chap, please stand up and introduce yourself” to make things probably worse I said “I’m Tevin and I’m an alcoholic” He also totally believed it and I sorta felt bad but then didn’t because, you know. Just ’cause.
He then turned the tables and made me talk about my alcoholism and everyone was staring at me because they totally know that my name is Noah and that I drink lots of iced tea and blueberry pomegranate Gatorade but since they were all dicks they didn’t say anything. So I said some things like “Sometimes when I’m lonely I go into Target with my pants on backwards and get lots of weird looks” And he said some things like “How does that make you feel, my dear boy?” It was basically a therapy session for a guy named Tevin who doesn’t actually exist. Then it was over and he gave me a brochure with his granddaughter’s email address and a picture of a shotgun pointed at a kid wearing black pants and a shirt that “NO” on it. Little did he realize NO is a band from London that plays super sick hardcore punk and if you don’t check that band out you’re probably that one guy who fucking sucks.
After that incident I went on down to the food court to grab some lunch from a knockoff Chipotle and sat down with a guy who works at the school bookstore. He hit off our conversation with “I know how to say cuss words in 2 different languages. American, and sign language.” That was pretty much it.
To make that day even more eventful, I got an email from someone from the high school I went to, how this person knows my email is beyond me. The email was for a party that she was throwing and it came with the address so later that night I set out. Turns out, she gave me the address to a planned parenthood facility and oh my god, did I seriously just get an email from “Hot Babushka Mingle” because I’m pretty sure I just did but I’m gonna live in denial about it. Where was I? Oh, yeah. The planned parenthood facility. Yeah, it was dumb.
Time for some promotion of my friend’s bands.
^Kansas City punk rock group
^Texas hardcore punk with a female vocalist
OKC hardcore. The vocalist will probably lay on top of you or sandwich you against a wall and make full eye contact for the rest of the song they are currently playing.
If you don’t do the pogo dance while they play I definitely will and you’ll feel left out. From Texas.
Last but not least
Freak punk for the freak punks. Jock turds who go to a four year university need not join in the creepy crawl.
I’m out for now. See you later.